Nightmare Dressed Up Like A Daydream
by ReginaRiverMayHill
Summary: She could see it in his eyes, in his movements, that he wanted something more out of their friendship. Something she wanted too but couldn't allow herself. Couldn't allow him. She was a nightmare dressed up like a daydream and he couldn't see it. CaptainHill developing. My Headcanon. Starts in Chicago
1. Chapter 1

**A/N So this the final copy of what once was my story, The Lonely. It's pretty different from how I originally planned but it still has the same core events that lead to developing Captain Hill**

She has hair in her mouth. A strand of dark brown, dry hair that tastes horrible. She doesn't pull it out though. A logical reason for her decision may be that she knows it will only fly back into her mouth. The real reason for her decision is that she is too tired; too lazy.

Her former best friend is dead. Her brother is dead. Her father is finally going to jail.

She should be pleased, about all but the former.

She isn't.

This trip has cost her too much. She wishes she hadn't come, but then again she is glad she did.

Her father and brother can't cause anymore pain. And her former best friend, Danny who dragged her down here, Danny who ruined her relationship with her only hope at a second chance, Danny who used her to escape his horrible life, Danny who she cared for despite everything that had happened, can't go through anymore pain.

But she is still left here, in this world of many, by herself. It's a well formed lie that she has friends at S.H.I.E.L.D. Phil died and Melinda left. Natasha and Clint are too busy with the Avengers. But they were never really close friends, excluding Phil.

She had Steve. Generous, loyal, kind Steve. But she could see it in his eyes, in his movements, that he wanted something more out of their friendship. Something she wanted too but couldn't allow herself. Couldn't allow him.

The movies on her ever so rare nights or mornings off, the goodnight's when he crashed on her couch because the memories were too painful, the chats on her phone when she was stuck in mission debriefings and meetings weren't who she really was. She was a nightmare dressed up like a daydream and he couldn't see it, or more like didn't want to.

He didn't deserve to be dragged down by all her weights until she was as buried as she was. His reputation would be tarnished, America's hero would be ruined, and it would be her fault. If she has to make the sacrifice of losing her only friend to helping keep the Avengers and the world intact, then so be it.

She shivered as a gust of wind blew cold air up her sweater, revealing faint white lines and thick red gashes courtesy of a grenade three weeks ago.

Danny's gravestone is lying a 5 feet to her right, standing up to the wind.

She buried him there, in the empty field they spent their childhood years when she wasn't off "earning her stay" or being beaten.

She doesn't forgive for what he did, she knows she is not some pet to be passed around as payment for someone's crimes or mistake and so did he. But she can't help but feel some twinge of regret that she never got to ask him why he sold her out- when she was 17 or four days ago.

Chicago. To some it means pizza, the Blackhawks, Firefighters, or maybe a crew of singing female criminals but to her it represents scars, the ones that litter her body and her mind.

Someday it could mean her mistakes, the past she turned away from but instead it was what she was. Nothing more than a Baker-lying and cheating her way through life.

She can still hear her father's drawl when she entered his presence, even at the age of 30.

"_Fransisca Baker"_

_Low chuckles and guffaws rolled through the bar when she walked in, Danny standing behind her to keep her from fleeing, even though she was frozen still, her brother and father circling her like hawks and their prey. _

"_Well looky here, my baby girl has gone n' grown up to all them pricks down in, is it New York?" he taunted the smell of alcohol like a lsap to the face. _

"_How do you like your dear sister's new look. All high n' mighty is she now?"_

_Her brother sneered down at her and she bit her lip to keep herself from flinching away. _

"_I think Francisca's doin' just what she did when she wanted to go off to college. Lyin' her ass off" Alexander said to roars of laughter and a appreciative slap on the back from their father. _

"_Good work, Danny. It's great to see to see you fitting into the role of a traitor so quickly" her Father said, creeping up until he stood next to Danny, his shoulder next to her's. _

"_But it does make me a little concerned for the future. How can I trust you if even my dear daughter Maria, oh yes I know about that little name change but we can talk about that later, believes you. What if you were lying to me now? What if right outside this door the police were waiting outside to catch Chicago's own, Milo Baker in the act of some crime?"_

"_Sir? I just brought Francisca here like you asked. I ain't done nothing like bringing the police-"_

_The smell of gunpowder hit her nose before she heard the shot. _

"_I'm sorry Danny now I just don't believe you"_

And after that it all ensues like she had planned, except for Danny.

She had tried CPR, Defibrillators but the shot gone straight through the heart.

The police ran into the bar as soon as they heard the shot. Her brother was shot in the scuffle that broke out when they raided the bar and died in hospital an hour later. Every person was caught and thrown in jail. They found enough evidence in the bar that her father was going away for life.

But she still couldn't get that voice, a mix of Danny's and her brother, Alexander's out of her head. Scolding her for taking her mother's name when she left Chicago because she was a Baker in her soul.

The iron taste of blood filled her mouth. She had bitten into her lip thinking about the events of Tuesday.

Slowly she sat up and pulled the hair from her mouth.

She had a day left until her vacation days ran out and she needed to visit before she bailed on all this shit. Before she headed back to more people who hated her in her life of secrets, like this one.

She scrambled up, grabbing her sneakers that were hanging from dying branch by their laces and turned towards the wind.

The wind blew all the remaining hair off her face and she managed to see the tall figure standing on the hilltop.

"Maria?"


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N Chapter 2 right away . . . BAHM! Self-five!**

The hum of the engine was all Maria could hear. She watched as small homes and buildings fly past her window.

Steve's mouth was set in a grim line and she could see the hurt in the lines of his face.

Yelling at him, lying to him, sleeping with Danny, assigning a new Handler was all supposed to stop all the emotions he would feel for. He wasn't supposed to track her down.

He was supposed to forget about, turn her into that stupid bitch everyone else saw her as. Then she could sleep easier knowing Captain America wouldn't be compromised on his next mission with her. He wouldn't be distracted and slip up. He wouldn't have to fight with the Avengers over whether or not she was a good person.

The Avengers saw her as they should.

"Turn left at the next set of lights" she said. He looked over surprised. It was the first thing she had said since he found her in the field. Still he turned at the set of lights, surprising her and himself.

"Now turn onto Lyon Street" Maria said and again he complied.

"Stop" she said suddenly, midway through Lyon Street. She threw off her seat belt as she said that and he slammed on the brakes.

She opened the door and hopped onto the sidewalk, reaching into the car to grab her sling bag.

"Where are you going?" he asked. He reached out to grab her wrist but she flinched away and he retreated his arm. It was the second thing he had said since seeing her. The first had been yelling her name in that field.

"I'll be back in a bit. There's a good bakery a couple blocks from here, on 13th Street" she said to him and stepped back, pulling her body out of the car.

"A Baker, huh" he said and a brief flash of panic flitted across her face.

She hurried away from the car, her gray sneakers soft against the pavement , her brown hair highlighted against her soft yellow sweater.

She tried to tell herself that she was just jumping to conclusions. That he didn't actually know the secrets of her past. It was impossible, she had buried all connections to that name deeper than hell itself as soon as she could but coming back here, could she have opened one of those gates up? The only way Steve could figure that out was if he had gotten Stark-

"Francisca?" a frail voice ran out. A soft smile broke out on her face. This was the only happy memory she had from her life as a Baker, the only person who loved her like she truly mattered when she lived here.

"Hello Mrs. Attimore" she said softly and made her way over to the old woman sitting into the rocking chair onto the dark wooden porch.

"That is you. Oh, I've missed you darling" Mrs. Attimore said fondly, reaching her hend out.

"I've missed you too, Mrs. Attimore" she said, picking u the elderly woman's hand and holding it tightly.

"Oh call me Dolly, you're 20 years old"

Maria's face wrinkled in confusion and then widened in comprehension.

"Her memory is a little off these days, not saying you don't look like you're twenty, its just your face . . ."

She looked up to see a young woman standing behind Mrs. Attimore.

"I'm Clara, her in lack of a better word, assistant. Who are you?" she asked and Maria stood up.

"I'm Ma- I'm Francisca Baker" she said, looking down softly at the woman who was engaged in her book.

"I've heard a lot about you . . ." Maria's eyes widened "From Mrs. Attimore not from rumours, but I've heard rumours too, though the rumours weren't bad or anything!"

She laughed softly and Clara shuffled nervously. "I've heard my fair share of the rumours, it's okay. I guess I just wanted to come and say goodbye before I left"

"You're leaving, dear?" Mrs. Attimore said. Maria's heart clenched at saying goodbye to the woman who helped her through her grades, taught her to bandage a gash, and conceal her bruises.

"I-" she caught the eye of Steve who was waiting down on the sidewalk.

"Yes. Steve, the man down there, he's waiting for me. I thought I'd just stop by and say hello" she said, kneeling in front of old Mrs. Attimore.

"Don't let me interrupt with your love life. Goodbye Francisca, and say hello to Danny would you? I haven't seen him in ages?" Mrs. Attimore trailed off and water pooled at the corner of Maria's eyes.

"I certainly will Mrs. Attimore. It's been a pleasure seeing you" and with that she got, stepping quietly onto wooden steps that led down the steep hill.

"Oh just say goodbye Francisca! You've always been afraid of that . . . Clara! What are you doing out here? You're only in a t-shirt! You'll catch your death out here! Who's that couple on the sidewalk. The girl, she looks like Francisca. I haven't seen Francisca in ages . . . Did I tell you about that time when she . . ."

Steve watched as Maria came down the sidewalk towards him. There were tear tracks on her face. She looked so frail and it scared him. Maria was always so strong and dependable, she never needed to lean on anyone but here she was, walking on broken glass.

She stopped in front of him. Her shoulders were hunched, her long bob hair hung in her face, and the sleeves of her yellow sweater were pulled over her hands.

He gently lay a hand on her shoulder and she flinched, but this time he didn't move his hand away.

She looked up into his eyes and he could see a vulnerability ghere that he had never seen before. And despite the horrible circumstances they but especially her, were in he could feel his heart warming that she had shown him this side.

He knew that those movies on her ever so rare nights or mornings off, the goodnight's when he crashed on her couch because the memories were too painful, the chats on her phone when she was stuck in mission debriefings and meetings weren't who she really was.

This was and despite every rule and expectation he loved her this way.

He pulled her shoulder into his and she collapsed into his body, her's wracking with sobs. Slowly he rubbed circles into her back.

And he desperately hoped she loved him.


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N For some reason I am on a total writing roll. No idea why. But here is your what seems to be daily update. And I'm trying to figure out if I should continue the story after this or skip to the epilogue**

She woke up to a dark room and light streaming in through a crack between the door and the floor. She was wrapped in a fluffy comforter and big soft pillows were digging into her back and neck. The smell of baked cheese filled her nose.

Memories came flooding back and she curled into a ball, muffling her cries.

"Maria?" someone said softly and Maria's eyes widened.

"Steve?" she whispered, her voice cracking as she untangled herself from the blankets.

She was a mess, her dark brown hair tangled and strew all over her head and face. Her ice blue eyes were red rimmed and puffy and her lips were cracked.

"What happened?" she whimpered and he gently sat down on the bed, careful to keep his distance.

"You went to this house on Lyon Street and stayed there for about 10 minutes. I came back to pick you up and you started to cry. We hugged for a while but it was getting dark so I dropped you off here. You fell asleep right away and then I went and picked up pizza, thought I should try it while I'm here" he said, a half-hearted smile on his face.

"Oh god . . ." Maria groaned and buried her head in her hands.

"What happened Maria?" Steve asked gently, scooting forwards just a bit but she moved back and stumbled off the bed.

"I, I have to go. Work, I'm needed" she started to reach for her shoes, running her fingers through her hair in an attempt to tame it.

"No, Maria. You still have tomorrow off, it's only 11:30"

"I have to go-"

"No"

He said that so firmly she turned around and stared at him. He stared back defiantly and finally she gave in, flopping back down on the bed. She sat there for a few moments and Steve could see her mind working.

He just wanted to run up and kiss her, but he knew he would lose her if he did.

"How did you find me?" she asked and it was so quiet and meek his heart almost broke then and there.

"Tony. I got worried and so I made him track you down" the blood withdrew from her face.

"I'm sorry, I just needed to find you and . . ."

"What do you know?" her voice was as cold as the Artic and he hung his head, unable to meet her eyes and the feeling of betrayal that lurked in them.

"Tony, he goes all the way and he jumped at the chance to dig into your past-"

"What do you know?" she growled.

"_Tony?" Steve wandered into the lab on the top floor of the Avengers tower. _

_He found the billionaire in a corner of his lab, fiddling with a piece of his Iron Man Suit. _

"_Hey. Tony!" the billionaire looked around wildly and spotted Steve. _

"_What's up Cap?" he said and set down his tools. _

"_I need your help"_

"_Did you manage to land on a 'unsaintly' Youtube video again?"_

_Steve bit his lip to keep him from lashing out at the genius. Maria being missing was setting him on edge. _

"_No. I need your help to find someone"_

_Tony grinned and rubbed his hands together. _

"_Who is Capsicle tracking down?" _

"_Ummm, Commander Hill"_

_Tony eyes widened and Steve shifted nervously under his gaze. _

_7 hours later Steve was woken up by Tony. _

"_I need you to look at this"_

_If Steve had been paying attention he would have looked closer at Tony but he wasn't, he just wanted to find Maria. And looking at Tony could have saved him from the shock. _

_It was horrible, looking at the picture of 17 year old Maria with the name Francisca Baker underneath it. The hospital records of every visit to the hospital with her father or neighbour, Mrs. Attimore. The police reports of every time she left for a foster home but was sent back. The notes under the files questioning whether or not they should use her to get to her father. _

"_She was born as Francisca Christina Baker to Maria Eleanor Baker, nee Hill and Milo Trey Baker. She has an older brother Alexander Milo Baker. Her mother died in childbirth. When she was 8 she was sent to a foster home but removed and sent back home because they believed her father had changed. She ran away when she was 14 but was found and dragged back home. At the age of 18 she disappeared. In 2008 she was legally dead. Her father-"_

"_Stop. Is Maria-is she . . ."_

"_Tony?" Pepper's voice rang out through the lab and she rounded the corner. "Tony! There you are! We have a meeting . . . Who's that?" _

_Pepper pointed to the photo of Maria- no Francisca on the screens. _

"_Is that Maria? Oh my god" _

"_Pepper . . ." Tony trailed off as tears filled Pepper's eyes. _

"_Why does it say Francisca Christina Baker? That's Maria isn't it? Oh it says that, oh my god" Pepper collapsed into Tony's arms and Steve saw horror and guilt in Tony's face. _

_Tony inclined his head towards a tablet lying on the table. On it was a location. _

_Pepper let go of Tony and walked towards Steve. He wasn't sure if she was going to hit him or hug him. _

"_Find her, please. And tell her you love her. She needs to hear it"_

Maria looked away from him and the desperation was growing. He couldn't lose her now, not when he already lost so much.

Finally when she spoke it was steady and calm, though her face bore the betrayal and anger she was feeling.

"So Stark and Pepper, they know of my . . . past?"

Steve nodded silently.

"And you love me" this time she didn't word it as a question and Steve looked up quickly.

There was a tear slipping down her cheek and her face was half a smile, half sad.

"Yes. I don't know for how long but I do"

She stared at him.

"I understand if you don't feel the same I just think you should know that there are people who care about you." he leaned closer to her and brushed the side of his hand against her face.

"You don't have to be alone"

"She grabbed his hand and pulled him down to her, reaching her lips to his. It was soft and sweet and everything he hoped it would be. When they finally broke apart for air their rested their noses together, smiling.

"I love you too"


End file.
